The possible causes for having a vice

2024-05-14 · 첨삭 강사 Khai

학생이 쓴 원문

I think two things cause people to have a vice. First one is curiosity. I heard that some of teenager start smoking or drinking earlier than same age group because of curiosity. I think curiosity cause adult to start smoking, drinking, especially taking drugs. Second is lackadaicial attitude. I think that\'s why some people drive their own car after drunk. But this lackadaicial attitude can cause critical accidents. So the government try to punish stronger to drunk drivers. Also when the government official are caught in a crackdown on drunk drivers, the punishment get stronger. However we still hear the news that people get hurt seriously or dead because of drunk driver. I feel sad after heard these news.

강사 첨삭

Hi, [이름]. Great job! I was impressed that you used the word lackadaisical. It is suitable in your sentence. ^^ Thank you for your hard work and efforts. 
-Khai
I think two things cause people to have a vice.

>> I think two things cause people to have vices.

First one is curiosity.

>> The first one is curiosity. 

I heard that some of teenager start smoking or drinking earlier than same age group because of curiosity.
>> I heard that some teenagers start smoking or drinking earlier than the legal age out of curiosity.
I think curiosity cause adult to start smoking, drinking, especially taking drugs.
>> I think curiosity causes adults to start smoking, drinking, and especially taking drugs
Second is lackadaicial attitude.
>> The second is a lackadaisical attitude.
I think that\'s why some people drive their own car after drunk.

>> I think that\'s why some people drive their cars after being drunk.

But this lackadaicial attitude can cause critical accidents.
>> This lackadaisical attitude can cause critical accidents.
So the government try to punish stronger to drunk drivers.
>> So the government is imposing harsher punishment on drunk drivers.
Also when the government official are caught in a crackdown on drunk drivers, the punishment get stronger.
>> Also, when government officials are caught in a crackdown on drunk drivers, the punishment gets stronger.
However we still hear the news that people get hurt seriously or dead because of drunk driver. 
>> However, we still hear the news that people seriously get hurt or die because of drunk drivers.
I feel sad after heard these news.

>> I feel sad whenever I hear this news.


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