The quality of life in big cities.

2020-04-01 · 첨삭 강사 Jedah

학생이 쓴 원문

Factors that cause the decline of the quality of life in large cities are mainly twofold. For one, the ever-increasing population density in urban areas places inconviniences with citizens in various ways. Residents should spend a lot of time and energy to travel as cars are always crawling bumper to bumper as well as subways are packed with people. They are often required to queue in a long line in order to have meals or to purchase popular products. On top of that, living expenses in cities have surged due to high demands on almost every resource. Though there are a tremendous amount of goods provided to people, it is becoming more unaffordable for a middle-class family to pay all the expenditure needed just to remain in a city. Suggesting feasible solutions for these problems is difficult yet imperative. Dispersing people toward underpopulated areas by establishing infrastructures and incentivizing businesses to move could be an ambitious way of tackling the issues.

강사 첨삭

Hi Drexel! Thank you for your thoughts here. I really appreciate the effort.
Well written and no issues in the grammar area. ^ ^
Just some input though:
Maybe it would be better to give emphasis on how has it became inconvenient for people living in a highly dense/populated area. You can mention about pollution and the health risks it poses to people. And instead of waiting in line to purchase popular food, it would be better to say; since life in the urban area is fast paced, people make unhealthy choices when it comes to food. They don\'t have the luxury to prepare healthy home cooked meals but would rather opt for over the counter food. ^ ^
-Teacher Jedah
   
Factors that cause the decline of the quality of life in large cities are mainly twofold. 
>>CORRECT
For one, the ever-increasing population density in urban areas places inconveniences with citizens in various ways. 
>>CORRECT (OR: ...gives/creates inconveniences..)
Residents should spend a lot of time and energy to travel as cars are always crawling bumper to bumper as well as subways are packed with people. 
>>CORRECT
They are often required to queue in a long line in order to have meals or to purchase popular products. 
>>CORRECT
On top of that, living expenses in cities have surged due to high demands on almost every resource. 
>>CORRECT
Though there are a tremendous amount of goods provided to people, it is becoming more unaffordable for a middle-class family to pay all the expenditure needed just to remain in a city.
>>CORRECT
Suggesting feasible solutions for these problems is difficult yet imperative. 
>>CORRECT
Dispersing people toward underpopulated areas by establishing infrastructures and incentivizing businesses to move could be an ambitious way of tackling the issues.
>>CORRECT

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