The reason why we need to have hobby
학생이 쓴 원문
It helps to relieve stress by doing activities we can enjoy. Enjoying a few hours of hobby a week can also reduce the risk of depression and dementia. Having hobby that we enjoy brings us joy and enriches our lives.
강사 첨삭
Hello [이름]. Thank you for this. Yes, I agree with what you said. I hope you find time to enjoy a good hobby.
- T. Beth
========================
It helps to relieve stress by doing activities we can enjoy. >>> correct
>>> OR: It is a good way to relieve stress doing the things we enjoy.
Enjoying a few hours of hobby a week can also reduce the risk of depression and dementia.
>>> correct
Having hobby that we enjoy brings us joy and enriches our lives.
>>> Having a hobby that we enjoy brings us joy and enriches our lives.
파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.