The rules in societies today are too strict for young people.

2017-04-24 · 첨삭 강사 Sophia

학생이 쓴 원문

Today's young people are compelled to follow the fixed routine, such as the graduation of a university, getting a job, a marriage and so on. In some sense, their lives are so strict because if they deviate the route, they can be criticize. However, I don't think that life of today's young people is not too strict; today's society allows them to act more liberally. First, with the development of a society, the right of the private is escalated and latitude are magnified. As a result, the society have became more tolerant to different thought or act. Therefore young people do not regard other people's glimpse as important. Second, today's young people can more thing through the internet rather than past's people. It may have effects on the today's young people so they act more freely like on the internet since they are already used to the internet. In conclusion, I think rules in a society of today's young people are more slackened than that of past's.

강사 첨삭

HELLO [이름],

Thank you for doing your homework.

Have a nice day ahead.

Teacher Sophia

Here are your corrections:

Today\'s young people are compelled to follow the fixed routine, such as the graduation of a university, getting a job, a marriage and so on.

>> The younger generation is compelled to follow a routine such as graduation, getting a job, getting married and so on.

In some sense, their lives are so strict because if they deviate the route, they can be criticize.

>> Their live is so complicated because the society will criticize them if they deviate the route.
However, I don\'t think that life of today\'s young people is not too strict; today\'s society allows them to act more liberally.

>> However, I don\'t think younger generation has a complicated life because the society allows them to be more liberated.
First, with the development of a society, the right of the private is escalated and latitude are magnified.

>> First the rapid change of the society makes the private group escalate and the latitude is magnified.

As a result, the society have became more tolerant to different thought or act.

>> As a result, the society has become more tolerant to the changes.

Therefore young people do not regard other people\'s glimpse as important.

>> Therefore, the younger generation doesn\'t care about what the society think of them.
Second, today\'s young people can more thing through the internet rather than past\'s people.

>> Second, the younger generation is mostly indulge to the Internet than the older ones.

It may have effects on the today\'s young people so they act more freely like on the internet since they are already used to the internet.

>> This is why the younger generation is more liberated because of the influence of the media and the Internet.
In conclusion, I think rules in a society of today\'s young people are more slackened than that of past\'s.

>> In conclusion, the younger generation is more slacken than the older ones.

파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.

다른 영어첨삭교정 보기