The threat of nuclear weapons maintains world peace. Nuclear power provides cheap and clean energy.
학생이 쓴 원문
BODY1
According to those who are of the idea above, developing nuclear technology has brought a changing lifestyle. As the shortage of traditional fuels such as gas, oil, nuclear power is able to meet the ever-increasing demands at a reasonable price. Moreover, unlike the fossil fuels emitted carbon dioxide gas, nuclear energy does not have those gas, for this energy can allow the climate changes not to destroy in the climate changes and this keeps the environment on the Earth clean and pure. What is more, thanks to this innovative technology, patients with cancer can have huge benefits from radiation treatment based on nuclear sources, so they can receive targeted therapy without side effect instead of the whole surgery.
강사 첨삭
Good morning Ms. [이름]!
It\'s good that you were able to invite me in Skype.
Here\'s the correction for today\'s writing. Nice work.
According to those who are of the idea above, developing nuclear technology has brought a changing lifestyle.
>>According to those who think above, advancing nuclear technology has brought about a change in lifestyle.
As the shortage of traditional fuels such as gas, oil, nuclear power is able to meet the ever-increasing demands at a reasonable price.
>>CORRECT!
Moreover, unlike the fossil fuels emitted carbon dioxide gas, nuclear energy does not have those gas, for this energy can allow the climate changes not to destroy in the climate changes and this keeps the environment on the Earth clean and pure.
>>Moreover, unlike fossil fuels that emit carbon dioxide gas, nuclear energy does not have such gas. This energy may not destroy climate change, because it keeps the Earth\'s environment clean and pure.
What is more, thanks to this innovative technology, patients with cancer can have huge benefits from radiation treatment based on nuclear sources, so they can receive targeted therapy without side effect instead of the whole surgery.
>>Thanks to the innovative technology, cancer patients can benefit greatly from radiation therapy based on nuclear sources, allowing them to receive targeted treatment without side effects, not all surgery.
>>According to those who think above, advancing nuclear technology has brought about a change in lifestyle.
As the shortage of traditional fuels such as gas, oil, nuclear power is able to meet the ever-increasing demands at a reasonable price.
>>CORRECT!
Moreover, unlike the fossil fuels emitted carbon dioxide gas, nuclear energy does not have those gas, for this energy can allow the climate changes not to destroy in the climate changes and this keeps the environment on the Earth clean and pure.
>>Moreover, unlike fossil fuels that emit carbon dioxide gas, nuclear energy does not have such gas. This energy may not destroy climate change, because it keeps the Earth\'s environment clean and pure.
What is more, thanks to this innovative technology, patients with cancer can have huge benefits from radiation treatment based on nuclear sources, so they can receive targeted therapy without side effect instead of the whole surgery.
>>Thanks to the innovative technology, cancer patients can benefit greatly from radiation therapy based on nuclear sources, allowing them to receive targeted treatment without side effects, not all surgery.
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