The way a person dresses is good indication of his or her personality and character.

HELLO [이름],

Thank you for doing your homework. 

Have a nice day ahead!

Teacher Sophia

Here are your corrections:

Attire is a good way to know about someone\'s character.

>> CORRECT 
Fist, Those who always wear clean and neat clothes are the person who want to be shown as a nice person.

>> Firstly, those who always wear clean and neat clothes are those people who want to show that they are nice.

Therefore he or she is likely to regard their outward appearance as important. 

>> Therefore, they want to show how appearance is important to them.
For example, most of korean are interested in preening their appearance without a difference between men and women.

>> For example, most of the Koreans are interested in preening their appearance.

They also are excessively conscious of other\'s standpoint, how others think about them.

>> They are also excessively conscious of other\'s opinion.
Second, these who wear wrinkled and dirty clothes are the person who never mind other\'s perspective.

>> Secondly, those who wear wrinkled and dirty clothes are those people who don\'t care about other\'s opinion.

Most of them are cool and abandon like a bohemian, so we can find out the person are free and don\'t like being restrained.

>> Most of them are cool and addressed as bohemians because they are free and don\'t like to be restrained.
In conclusion, although attire cannot perfectly represent someone\'s personality, it is useful way to eavesdrop someone\'s character.

>> In conclusion, although attire cannot perfectly represent someone\'s personality, it is a useful way to eavesdrop someone\'s character.