There are three gasses mainly responsible for global warming. Carbon dioxide, water vapour and metha

2015-06-11 · 첨삭 강사 Nina

학생이 쓴 원문

I agree that we should eat less meat. Thinking about what animals are as cruel as a human, actually there are no other rivals to humans. Carnivorous wild animals hunt other weaker animals as a pray to feed themselves when they are hungry. When they are full, they do not attach others. However, humans are greedy. Humans are the most atrocious and heinous predators. These days, humans kill other animals merely for meat or other commercial interests. We now have a plenty of other sources of meat. We don’t need to rely on animals for survival unlike in prehistoric times. We victimize animals out of necessity without having feelings of guilt. We can take protein from non-animal sources such as beans, soy, and nuts. By consuming these alternatives sources of protein, people can live healthy lives. I agree that some people need high quality meat in their diet depending on their health conditions. However, we should minimize rearing and killing animals for meat. Animals have rights to life.

강사 첨삭

Good afternoon!!

A great Thursday to you!!

I hope that you are having a wonderful day, Sir [이름]. ^^

I totally agree with you. We should minimize killing animals.

We can have some substitute instead of meat.

In that way, we can save animals and we can be healthier.

We won\'t have Hypertension, Cardiovascular Disease and so on.

Thanks for your informative composition.

Teacher Nina

I agree that we should eat less meat.

>> correct

Thinking about what animals are as cruel as a human, actually there are no other rivals to humans.

>> correct

Carnivorous wild animals hunt other weaker animals as a pray to feed themselves when they are hungry.

>> Carnivorous wild animals hunt other weaker animals as a prey to feed themselves when they are hungry. (spelling check: prey ^^)

When they are full, they do not attach others.

>> Did you mean: When they are full, they do not attack others.

However, humans are greedy.

>> correct

Humans are the most atrocious and heinous predators.

>> correct

These days, humans kill other animals merely for meat or other commercial interests.

>> correct

We now have a plenty of other sources of meat.

>> correct

We don’t need to rely on animals for survival unlike in prehistoric times.

>> correct

We victimize animals out of necessity without having feelings of guilt.

>> correct

We can take protein from non-animal sources such as beans, soy, and nuts.

>> correct

By consuming these alternatives sources of protein, people can live healthy lives.

>> Did you mean: By consuming these alternative sources of protein, people can live a healthy life.

>> OR: People can have a healthy lifestyle by consuming these alternatives sources of protein.

I agree that some people need high quality meat in their diet depending on their health conditions.

>> correct

However, we should minimize rearing and killing animals for meat.

>> correct

Animals have rights to life.

>> correct

>> OR: Animals have the right to live.

파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.

다른 영어첨삭교정 보기