think of a successful person in your country and state what that person did and how she/he achived h

2020-09-28 · 첨삭 강사 Rachel

학생이 쓴 원문

Do you know Bong Jun-ho, who is a director? Yes, he made a movie called the Parasite which was the Academy Awards-Winning film. I watched it twice, before it won the prize and after awarding. After his success, there were a lot articles about his success on broadcast and online. Someone said he got his talent from a grandfather-in-law, who was a famous novelist and his father, who is a professor of visual design. Someone said Bongtail is his middle name, which means that he is so detail and deliberate while he is making his work. Someone said his success was started when he met an actor Song gang ho. Anyway he decided to be a director when he was 12 years old and he had been a conic and a movie maniac and he showed an amazing concentration when he was into something. I think most successful people have something in common such as specific goal, strong will, extraordinary concentration and enjoying what they is doing. Mr. [Name] must be one of those people thus I admire his enthusiasm.

강사 첨삭

Hello Michelle!
Yes, he became instantly famous after his film won 4 Academy awards. Whenever I hear his name, I always remember his special hairstyle. ^ ^ He must be a great director and it would be fun to meet him and talk with him.
-Rachel
Do you know Bong Jun-ho, who is a director?
>> correct
 Yes, he made a movie called the Parasite which was the Academy Awards-Winning film.
>> He made a movie called Parasite which won the 4 awards at the Academy Awards this year. 
 I watched it twice, before it won the prize and after awarding.
>> I watched it twice: before it won the award and after. 
 After his success, there were a lot articles about his success on broadcast and online. Someone said he got his talent from a grandfather-in-law, who was a famous novelist and his father, who is a professor of visual design.
>> correct (awesome sentences)
 Someone said Bongtail is his middle name, which means that he is so detail and deliberate while he is making his work. 
>> correct (we just say detailed instead of detail or you can say, he pays much attention to details)
Someone said his success was started when he met an actor Song gang ho.
>> Someone said that his success started when he met an actor named Song Gang Ho.
 Anyway he decided to be a director when he was 12 years old and he had been a conic and a movie maniac and he showed an amazing concentration when he was into something. 
>>Anyway he decided to be a director when he was 12 years old  and he has always been a comic and a movie enthusiast. He also shows amazing concentration when he is doing something. 
I think most successful people have something in common such as specific goal, strong will, extraordinary concentration and enjoying what they is doing.
>> I think most successful people have something in common such as setting specific goals,  having a strong will, having extraordinary concentration and enjoying what they are doing.
 Mr. [Name] must be one of those people thus I admire his enthusiasm.
>> Mr. [Name] must be one of those people; thus I admire his enthusiasm. 

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