To what extent should governments prioritize investment in sleep clinics and mental health services
학생이 쓴 원문
Governments should significantly increase their investment in sleep clinics and mental health services compared to current levels. Sleep disorders are becoming far more prevalent and severe than previously expected. Crucially, our children—the future generation—are suffering from sleep deprivation at an alarming rate, and many require professional medical intervention to recover. In this respect, expanding access to specialized clinics and hospitals is essential. The government can no longer afford to underestimate the importance of healthy sleep. Ultimately, sleep is not a waste of time; rather, it is a vital process that restores our bodies and minds, allowing us to face each new day with strength and happiness.
강사 첨삭
Hi, Steve!
This is a very strong and well-developed composition. Your argument is clear, and you explained the importance of sleep by connecting it to children, healthcare, and society. I especially like how you ended with a powerful message about the value of sleep.
Your writing sounds mature and persuasive, with good organization and vocabulary. Keep developing your ideas and supporting them with strong explanations like this. Great job!
~Teacher Polly
>>CORRECT
Sleep disorders are becoming far more prevalent and severe than previously expected.
>>CORRECT
Crucially, our children—the future generation—are suffering from sleep deprivation at an alarming rate, and many require professional medical intervention to recover.
>>CORRECT
In this respect, expanding access to specialized clinics and hospitals is essential.
>>CORRECT
The government can no longer afford to underestimate the importance of healthy sleep.
>>CORRECT
Ultimately, sleep is not a waste of time; rather, it is a vital process that restores our bodies and minds, allowing us to face each new day with strength and happiness.
>>CORRECT
파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.