Topic 5

2019-06-27 · 첨삭 강사 Vance

학생이 쓴 원문

I am a huge believer in the importance of teamwork. Especially, on characteristic, planning is comprehensive and complex. That means it is impossible to work alone and the ability of co-working and harmonizing are necessary for employees who are responsible for the job. Not only I am cooperative and supportive, but also I am open-minded to anyone. I can harmonize all types of people, build trust, and fortify the teamwork at planning team. In my current company, my colleagues really like me because of supporting and cooperating. Actually, I won the prize ‘the best employee whom they want to work with’. Besides, I am initiative and energetic. I am sure that I can help Next to design or do something that it had never been done before. By these reasons, I can help your planning team to become more challenged and innovative. Ultimately, I am sure that I will help Next Corporation more profitability.

강사 첨삭

Thank you for doing your homework. ^^



Especially, on characteristic, planning is comprehensive and complex. 
>>Especially, our own characteristics. Planning is comprehensive and complex. 

That means it is impossible to work alone and the ability of co-working and harmonizing are necessary for employees who are responsible for the job. Not only I am cooperative and supportive, but also I am open-minded to anyone. 
>>
That means it is impossible to work alone and the ability to cooperate and harmonize with our co-workers is a necessary trait for employees who are responsible for the job. Not only I am cooperative and supportive, but I keep an open mind to anyone.

I can harmonize all types of people, build trust, and fortify the teamwork at planning team. 
>> I can harmonize with all types of people, build trust, fortify our teamwork, and planning with the team. 
OR 
>>
I can harmonize all types of people, build trust, and fortify the teamwork with the planning team. 

In my current company, my colleagues really like me because of supporting and cooperating.
>>In my current company, my colleagues really like me because of my support and cooperation.
OR
>>In my current company, my colleagues really like me because I am good in supporting and cooperating with them.

Ultimately, I am sure that I will help Next Corporation more profitability.
>>
Ultimately, I am sure that I will help Next Corporation to gain more profits.
OR
>>
Ultimately, I am sure that the profitability of  Next Corporation will increase more because of my help. 

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