Topic 5
학생이 쓴 원문
I am a huge believer in the importance of teamwork. Especially, on characteristic, planning is comprehensive and complex. That means it is impossible to work alone and the ability of co-working and harmonizing are necessary for employees who are responsible for the job. Not only I am cooperative and supportive, but also I am open-minded to anyone. I can harmonize all types of people, build trust, and fortify the teamwork at planning team. In my current company, my colleagues really like me because of supporting and cooperating. Actually, I won the prize ‘the best employee whom they want to work with’.
Besides, I am initiative and energetic. I am sure that I can help Next to design or do something that it had never been done before.
By these reasons, I can help your planning team to become more challenged and innovative. Ultimately, I am sure that I will help Next Corporation more profitability.
강사 첨삭
Thank you for doing your homework. ^^
Especially, on characteristic, planning is comprehensive and complex.
>>Especially, our own characteristics. Planning is comprehensive and complex.
That means it is impossible to work alone and the ability of co-working and harmonizing are necessary for employees who are responsible for the job. Not only I am cooperative and supportive, but also I am open-minded to anyone.
>>That means it is impossible to work alone and the ability to cooperate and harmonize with our co-workers is a necessary trait for employees who are responsible for the job. Not only I am cooperative and supportive, but I keep an open mind to anyone.
>>That means it is impossible to work alone and the ability to cooperate and harmonize with our co-workers is a necessary trait for employees who are responsible for the job. Not only I am cooperative and supportive, but I keep an open mind to anyone.
I can harmonize all types of people, build trust, and fortify the teamwork at planning team.
>> I can harmonize with all types of people, build trust, fortify our teamwork, and planning with the team.
OR
>>I can harmonize all types of people, build trust, and fortify the teamwork with the planning team.
>>I can harmonize all types of people, build trust, and fortify the teamwork with the planning team.
In my current company, my colleagues really like me because of supporting and cooperating.
>>In my current company, my colleagues really like me because of my support and cooperation.
OR
OR
>>In my current company, my colleagues really like me because I am good in supporting and cooperating with them.
Ultimately, I am sure that I will help Next Corporation more profitability.
>>Ultimately, I am sure that I will help Next Corporation to gain more profits.
>>Ultimately, I am sure that I will help Next Corporation to gain more profits.
OR
>>Ultimately, I am sure that the profitability of Next Corporation will increase more because of my help.
>>Ultimately, I am sure that the profitability of Next Corporation will increase more because of my help.
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