Topic: Does your country have a good education system?

2024-09-26 · 첨삭 강사 Sonny

학생이 쓴 원문

In my opinion, my country has good education system. There are two reasons. First of all, our country has a compulsory education system. To explain, all of the people have middle school diploma. So, I think we have high level of education. So, there are many people with civic consciousness. Second, we have comparative educational system. It means, In Korea, a competitive educational environment is emphasized, which encourages students to study hard. Sometimes it results in bad situations, because heated competitive system makes people tired. However, this system made country more to be a developed.

강사 첨삭

Hello, Mr. [이름] [이름]! I agree with your statements. Korean Education System has definitely its advantages and also disadvantages. Thank you for sharing!
-T. Sonny
In my opinion, my country has good education system. 
>>In my opinion, my country has a good education system. 
There are two reasons.
>>
Correct!
First of all, our country has a compulsory education system. 
>>Correct!
To explain, all of the people have middle school diploma. 
>>This means, every one must have a middle school diploma. 
So, I think we have high level of education. 
>>So, I think we have a high level of education. 
So, there are many people with civic consciousness.
>>
As a result, most of us have civic consciousness.
Second, we have comparative educational system. 
>>Second, we have a competitive educational system. 
It means, In Korea, a competitive educational environment is emphasized, which encourages students to study hard. 
>>It means, in Korea, a competitive educational environment is emphasized, which encourages students to study hard. 
Sometimes it results in bad situations, because heated competitive system makes people tired. 
>This could sometimes result to bad situations, since a hyper-competitive system could cause exhaustion to people. 
However, this system made country more to be a developed.
>>Nevertheless, this system is what made our country become well-developed.

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