What about this, teacher?

There are many beautiful eye colors. The eye color depends on the melanin rate in the iris. I want to talk about 7 major colors of eyes, dark brown, blue, green, gold, gray, red and purple. As you know, dark brown and blue is common color. However, gold, red, purple is very rare. Gold eyes are usually called as 'wolf eyes.' And red eyes are so rare that only 0.001 percent of the whole population in the world have this eye color. Purple is the rarest eye color in the world. Furthermore, there are 'albino' and 'odd eye'. Albino is born with far less-melanin in their body. So they appeared as red or purple or blue eyes. 'Odd eye' means each eye has a different color. It's very rare, either. An eye is important as their function. To add more, their appearance is very beautiful. Let's give some interest to our eyes. It's the first way to feel you precious.

Hi Ji [이름]! Thanks for sending this composition once again. I appreciate that you always trust me with it. Anyway, I think this is much better than the first one. Anyhow, just be more cautious of the proper use of punctuation marks as well as the subject-verb agreement. Try to check the plural form and the singular form of each word for you match them correctly in a sentence. Moreover, learn the different word order and sentence construction in English. Nonetheless, you did a good job. You were able to make good sentences today! Keep that up and continue improving your skills!   ~ T. Abby ~ What about this, teacher? >> Correct! (But be reminded of the right position of punctuation marks) OR> What about this teacher? (No more comma after the word \'this\') There are many beautiful eye colors. >> Correct! The eye color depends on the melanin rate in the iris. >> Correct! I want to talk about 7 major colors of eyes, dark brown, blue, green, gold, gray, red and purple. >> I want to talk about the 7 major eye colors which are blue, dark brown, gold, gray, green, purple and red. OR> I want to discuss about the 7 major eye colors namely blue, dark brown, gold, gray, green, purple and red. As you know, dark brown and blue is common color. >> As you know, dark brown and blue are common colors. OR> As you know, dark brown and blue are ordinary eye colors. However, gold, red, purple is very rare. >> However, gold, red and purple are very rare. OR> However, people having gold, red or purple eye colors are very rare. >> However, you can rarely see people with gold, red or purple eye colors. Gold eyes are usually called as \'wolf eyes.\' >> Correct! And red eyes are so rare that only 0.001 percent of the whole population in the world have this eye color. >> Correct! Purple is the rarest eye color in the world. >> Correct! Furthermore, there are \'albino\' and \'odd eye\'. >> Correct! Albino is born with far less-melanin in their body. >> An albino is born with lesser melanin in his body. OR> Albino people are born with lesser melanin content in their bodies. So they appeared as red or purple or blue eyes. >> So they appear to have a blue, purple or red eye colors. \'Odd eye\' means each eye has a different color. >> Having an \'odd eye\' means having a different color in each eye. OR> An odd eye is when your eyes have different colors. It\'s very rare, either. >> It\'s very rare. OR> It\'s also very rare. An eye is important as their function. >> An eye is important same as its function. To add more, their appearance is very beautiful. >> To add more, its appearance is very beautiful. Let\'s give some interest to our eyes. >> Correct! OR> Let\'s give some importance to our eyes. It\'s the first way to feel you precious. >> It\'s the first way to make yourself feel precious. OR> It\'s an initial way to make yourself feel valuable.