WHAT CAN BE THE MOST HARMFUL EFFECT OF OIL SPILL TO US HUMAN BEINGS?

2020-06-11 · 첨삭 강사 Donna

학생이 쓴 원문

First, Incase the polluted ingredients supply to the nation, the pollution will be accumulated in body. Especially, childrens get more fatal affections. It would be a causes of several illness like cancer, dematosis. Second, The fisherman and farmers are losting thier job. because of pollution that area will be isolated. Nobody want to go there and [이름]d purchasing some items that is produced that area. It is too fatal for thier life to leave there home to survive themselves. For the future we need to protect environment thoroughly.

강사 첨삭

Nice to read from you here on the essay page JM! Hello. 

This is a very meaningful answer to the question I gave you yesterday. You answered straight to the point used effective vocabulary to elaborate 
these points. Indeed, the oil spill is fatal and something must be done to alleviate the effects of it to human beings.

Thanks for this and see you in class later. Well done!

-T. Donna =)

First, Incase the polluted ingredients supply to the nation, the pollution will be accumulated in body. 
>> First, in case the polluted chemicals reach nations, pollution will eventually be accumulated in the body.

Especially, childrens get more fatal affections. 
>> Children specially are the most affected.

It would be a causes of several illness like cancer, dematosis.
>> It would cause several illnesses like cancer and dermatitis.

Second, The fisherman and farmers are losting thier job. because of pollution that area will be isolated. 
>> Second, the fishermen and farmers will lose their jobs because the  pollution in that area is not isolated and can spread.

Nobody want to go there and [이름]d purchasing some items that is produced that area.
>> Nobody wants to go there and [이름]d purchasing some items that are produced in that area.

It is too fatal for thier life to leave there home to survive themselves. 
>> It is too fatal for their lives to leave their homes to survive.

For the future we need to protect environment thoroughly.
>> For the future, we need to protect the environment sincerely.

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