-What changes would you like to happen in your country?- (^-^)

2020-08-18 · 첨삭 강사 Jedah

학생이 쓴 원문

I would really love if the air quality gets better. Everyday, I have to check the fine dust levels before I go out. This is just because I don’t want my daughter to breath in the dust. Some scientists claim that it’s very bad for our health and we should take extra care not to absorb it. On top of that, I hope the social customs that values student’s grade will change. Our culture likes to line up students from the top all the way down based on their performances, usually grades. I had been on the top when I was a teenager and also almost bottom in college and both weren’t good. Honestly, this is a big part of my decision to live in abroad. I don’t want my daughter to experience those feelings. It’d be good if she has good grades but that doesn’t necessarily make her happy. I hope she will be able to find what makes her genuinely happy throughout her life and I really hope me and my husband can find that as well.

강사 첨삭

Hi [이름]! Thanks for sharing. I really appreciate the effort! ^ ^
Humans are the sole reason why our environment is degenerating. The results are irreversible but controlling it is still possible.
That\'s what I noticed with the education system these days. It\'s more on staying on the game and being competitive instead of developing talents and skills. ^ ^
-Teacher Jedah

I would really love if the air quality gets better.
>>CORRECT
Everyday, I have to check the fine dust levels before I go out.
>>CORRECT
This is just because I don’t want my daughter to breath in the dust.
>>CORRECT
Some scientists claim that it’s very bad for our health and we should take extra care not to absorb it.
>>CORRECT (or not to breathe it in.)
On top of that, I hope the social customs that values student’s grade will change.
>>CORRECT or
>>I hope that the social norm where student\'s grade is more important will change.
Our culture likes to line up students from the top all the way down based on their performances, usually grades.
>>CORRECT
I had been on the top when I was a teenager and also almost bottom in college and both weren’t good.
>>I had been a top ranking student during my teens, but was at the bottom rank when I was in college, both situation weren\'t good.
Honestly, this is a big part of my decision to live in abroad.
>>Honestly, this is a big part of my decision to live abroad.
I don’t want my daughter to experience those feelings.
>>CORRECT
It’d be good if she has good grades but that doesn’t necessarily make her happy.
>>CORRECT
I hope she will be able to find what makes her genuinely happy throughout her life and I really hope me and my husband can find that as well.
>>CORRECT

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