What computer games do you think is popular among people your age?
학생이 쓴 원문
Computer games are important for teenagers because they consider as way to get along with friends. Actually, teenagers or 20s(male) usually go to PC room when they meet friends. Also, they become closer even though they are awkward. So, computer games that can play with multiple are popular. Furthermore, people in my age love competition games. There should be winner and loser. It stimulates their self-esteem, so they play games for over 5 hours to go higher and higher. No one want to get behind with their game ranks. That\'s why most games show people\'s ranking. At last, people usually do games to relieve their stress. They want to get out of the reality and find more sensational methods. When they shot a gun and attack someone, they feel cool and refresh. Also, they delude themselves as strong and powerful people. It leads people to buy expensive items. Especially, people usually love game youtuber who spend much money buying rare items.
강사 첨삭
Thank you for this Mary!
Computer games are important for teenagers because they consider as way to get along with friends.
>>> Computer games are important for teenagers because they consider it as a way to get along with friends.
Actually, teenagers or 20s(male) usually go to PC room when they meet friends.
>>> correct
Also, they become closer even though they are awkward.
>>> correct
So, computer games that can play with multiple are popular.
>>> So, computer games that can be played with multiple players are popular.
Furthermore, people in my age love competition games.
>>> correct
There should be winner and loser.
>>> There should be a winner and a loser.
It stimulates their self-esteem, so they play games for over 5 hours to go higher and higher.
>>> correct
No one want to get behind with their game ranks.
>>> No one wants to be behind with their game ranks.
That\'s why most games show people\'s ranking.
>>> correct
At last, people usually do games to relieve their stress.
>>> correct
They want to get out of the reality and find more sensational methods.
>>> correct
When they shot a gun and attack someone, they feel cool and refresh.
>>> When they shot a gun and attack someone, they feel cool and refreshed.
Also, they delude themselves as strong and powerful people.
>>> correct
It leads people to buy expensive items.
>>> correct
Especially, people usually love game youtuber who spend much money buying rare items.
>>> Especially, people usually love game youtubers who spend much money buying rare items.
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