What do you think is the most serious health problem in Korea? Why?

2023-04-12 · 첨삭 강사 Kate

학생이 쓴 원문

I dont know the health problems in Korea, so I will write the serious problems in all parts in Korea. The biggest problem in korea is a small amount of babies. Many couples don\'t want to raise babies even one baby. When I was young, there were 4-50 students in one class in the elementary school but now, I\'ve heard about that there are 15-20 students in one class. Reducing a rate of babies can cause the increasing amount of old men. Then it causes that there are no more people who can work and the economic recession will gonna be happened. The problems in a country are connected with each other, complicatedly.

강사 첨삭

Hello Gem!
Thank you for your efforts again today. This was an insightful essay. See you tomorrow! ^^
~~Teacher Kate 

I dont know the health problems in Korea, so I will write the serious problems in all parts in Korea.
>>I don\'t know the health problems in Korea, so I will write about the serious problems in all parts in Korea.
The biggest problem in korea is a small amount of babies. 
>>The biggest problem in Korea is the small number of babies. 
Many couples don\'t want to raise babies even one baby. 
>>CORRECT!
When I was young, there were 4-50 students in one class in the elementary school but now, I\'ve heard about that there are 15-20 students in one class. 
>>When I was young, there were around 40-50 students in one class in elementary schools but now, I\'ve heard that there are only 15-20 students in one class. 
Reducing a rate of babies can cause the increasing amount of old men. 
>>Reducing the birth rate can cause the increase in the number of old people. 
Then it causes that there are no more people who can work and the economic recession will gonna be happened. 
>>Because of that, there won\'t be people who can work and the economic recession will happen. 
The problems in a country are connected with each other, complicatedly.
>>CORRECT!

파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.

다른 영어첨삭교정 보기

영어첨삭교정 ·