What effective measures can the Ministry of Health and Welfare set to improve children’s health care
학생이 쓴 원문
I believe that the Ministry of Health must provide effective solution to solve low birth rate. If they sucess to increase pertility rate, we don\'t have to worry about the shortage of pediatric doctors. Doctors work for sympathy to the patients and they believe that they have strong sense of duty to provide qualitative medical services. However, they also consider their income too. Young people, especially, would like to find their jobs which gurantee high income and easier positions. So, surgeons are not popular choice for them because it is really hard to participate in the surgery for a long time. Many doctors pursue easier duties these days so they select non invasive department like radiology, plastic surgery and dematology. To solve these problem, the government should provide facilities for children in various ways and need to incease the minimum wage. I believe that it will be solved, if the fatility rate increases.
강사 첨삭
Good day, Sir [이름]!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille
I believe that the Ministry of Health must provide effective solution to solve low birth rate.
>> CORRECT!If they sucess to increase pertility rate, we don\'t have to worry about the shortage of pediatric doctors.
>> If they succeed to increase fertility rate, we don\'t have to worry about the shortage of pediatric doctors.
Doctors work for sympathy to the patients and they believe that they have strong sense of duty to provide qualitative medical services.
>> CORRECT!However, they also consider their income too.
>> CORRECT!Young people, especially, would like to find their jobs which gurantee high income and easier positions.
>> Young people, especially, would like to find their jobs which would guarantee them high income and easier positions.
So, surgeons are not popular choice for them because it is really hard to participate in the surgery for a long time.
>> So, being a surgeon is not popular choice for them because it is really hard to participate in the surgery for a long time.
Many doctors pursue easier duties these days so they select non invasive department like radiology, plastic surgery and dematology.
>> Many doctors pursue easier duties these days so they select non-invasive departments like radiology, plastic surgery, and dermatology.
OR >> Many doctors pursue easier duties these days so they select non-invasive departments like radiology, reconstructive surgery, and dermatology.
To solve these problem, the government should provide facilities for children in various ways and need to incease the minimum wage.
To solve these problem, the government should provide facilities for children in various ways and need to incease the minimum wage.
>> To solve this problem, the government should provide facilities for children in various ways and need to increase the minimum wage.
I believe that it will be solved, if the fatility rate increases.
I believe that it will be solved, if the fatility rate increases.
>> I believe that it will be solved, if the fertility rate increases.
파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.