What is my biggest fear?

2019-03-12 · 첨삭 강사 Sharon

학생이 쓴 원문

When I was 5 years old, I went to the sea with my family. It was a place of great depth, and I almost drowned while having fun at sea without knowing it. After that, I have fear of the water, and I have not went deep in the water park. I was so jealous of the swimmers, and I wanted to forget of the fear of the water. But now that I have learned to swim, my fear of water is gone!

강사 첨삭

Hi [이름]!

You do have a flair with words.

You wrote beautifully today.

Your thoughts are organized.

Keep it up!

~~ Teacher Sharon

When I was 5 years old, I went to the sea with my family.

>> Correct
It was a place of great depth, and I almost drowned while having fun at sea without knowing it.

>> Correct
After that, I have fear of the water, and I have not went deep in the water park.

>> After that, I  developed a fear of water, and I usually avoid deep pools and bodies of water. 

I was so jealous of the swimmers, and I wanted to forget of the fear of the water.

>> I was so jealous of the swimmers, and I wanted to forget my fear of water.
But now that I have learned to swim, my fear of water is gone!

>> Correct

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