what is special about your neighborhood?

2017-06-09 · 첨삭 강사 Marie

학생이 쓴 원문

At the Unification Asiatic Park, We finish last year and do the Dadaepo sunrise festival promising new start of the coming year. There are events such as ballooning, rice cake soup, folklore performances, and folk performances. My family goes to Unification Asiad every January 1st and participates in the sunrise ceremony. I get out of the house early in the morning and eat rice cake soup. Take balloons and write down their wishes on the balloons. When the sun begins to rise, people around them simultaneously blow balloons, and the scene in which balloons are embroidered in the sky is a thrilling sight to see every year. Although it is the same sun rising every day, it is the first sun to see from the beginning of the year and it is meaningful to see with the family. It seems that I have changed and grown as much as Dadaepo has changed, such as a Dadaepo Beach Park and Dadaepo Dream Fountain. In the old days, I ate at the beach with my parents, but now I have a drink.

강사 첨삭

Hi there, [이름]!

I checked the final part of your composition.

Thanks for sending it in.

You did great here!

I\'m just wondering if it\'s the Unification Asiatic Park OR the Unification Asiad Park.

Which one is it? :)

Please review my corrections below.

Ciao!

~Teacher Marie~ ^^

At the Unification Asiatic Park, We finish last year and do the Dadaepo sunrise festival promising new start of the coming year.

>> We went to the Unification Asiatic Park last year and then attended the Dadaepo Sunrise Festival, which promises a new start for the coming year.

There are events such as ballooning, rice cake soup, folklore performances, and folk performances.

>> There are events such as a balloon festival, folk performances, and free rice cake soup.

My family goes to Unification Asiad every January 1st and participates in the sunrise ceremony.

>> My family goes to the Unification Asiad every January 1st and participates in the sunrise ceremony.

I get out of the house early in the morning and eat rice cake soup.

>> CORRECT!

Take balloons and write down their wishes on the balloons.

>> I take some balloons and write down my wishes on them.

When the sun begins to rise, people around them simultaneously blow balloons, and the scene in which balloons are embroidered in the sky is a thrilling sight to see every year.

>> When the sun begins to rise, people will simultaneously let go of the balloons. The scene in which the balloons decorate the sky is a thrilling sight to see every year.

Although it is the same sun rising every day, it is the first sun to see from the beginning of the year and it is meaningful to see with the family.

>> Although it is the same sun rising every day, it is the first sun that we see from the beginning of the year and it is meaningful to see it with the family.

It seems that I have changed and grown as much as Dadaepo has changed, such as a Dadaepo Beach Park and Dadaepo Dream Fountain.

>> It seems that I have changed and grown as much as Dadaepo has changed. Now it has the Dadaepo Beach Park and the Dadaepo Dream Fountain.

In the old days, I ate at the beach with my parents, but now I have a drink.

>> In the old days, I just ate at the beach with my parents, but now I can have a drink there.

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