What is the most serious consequence of an aging society?

2020-01-13 · 첨삭 강사 Beth

학생이 쓴 원문

I think the most serious consequence of an aging society is economic deterioration. Development of technology and science let us anticipate expanding public life. Far future, When beco[이름]g retirement age, They hope an extension of the retirement age for the society. However From the point of view of most company, they will hire new comers. If the goverment changes the work ages, It will lead to deprive new generations of opportunities to get a position from the company, and what was worse, get a burden for the older person by paying more tax. To solve it, I think new generations get new knowldege and technique help society problems. It let them to make their own position in any where, the order person keep going do somethink as a original work field.

강사 첨삭

Hello [이름] [이름]. Thank you for this.
- T. Beth
==========================
I think the most serious consequence of an aging society is economic deterioration.
>>> correct   
Development of technology and science let us anticipate expanding public life. 
>>>   The development of technology and science lets us anticipate the improvement of human life. 
Far future, When beco[이름]g retirement age, They hope an extension of the retirement age for the society. 
>>> In the far future, with regards to the retirement age, they hope for an extension of the retirement age for the society.    
However From the point of view of most company, they will hire new comers.
>>>  OR: However, for most company\'s preference, they would rather hire new comers.  
If the goverment changes the work ages, It will lead to deprive new generations of opportunities to get a position from the company, and what was worse, get a burden for the older person by paying more tax.
>>>  If the government changes the working ages, it will lead to the deprivation of new generations of opportunities to get a position from the company, and worse, get a burdened by the older person by paying more tax.  
To solve it, I think new generations get new knowldege and technique help society problems. 
>>> To solve it, I think new generations should acquire new knowledge and technique to help solve society problems.    
It let them to make their own position in any where, the order person keep going do somethink as a original work field.
>>> It will allow them to make their own position anywhere while the older person would keep doing their own jobs.   

파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.

다른 영어첨삭교정 보기

영어첨삭교정 ·