What kind of medicine would you like to be discovered/invented?
학생이 쓴 원문
Personally, what I want is the medicine for hair loss. Of course I have abundant hair, but sometimes, whenever my hairs are pulled out, it makes me nervous about my future. Hair loss is a great problem for everyone. Nobody can be free from aging and hair loss is one of the phenomenon of aging. Furthermore hair loss brings out a huge image change. It must be in the negative way. I don\'t want to undergo that process. And then, I wish the medicines for incurable diseases can be invented soon. It is a great hardship for every patients who suffer from incurable diseases to endure day by day. If I could choose between inventing hair loss medicine and the medicines for incurable diseases, I would choose the medicines for incurable diseases without any hesitation. I hope the day when everyone can be truly free from all kinds of diseases will come soon. But still, the medicine for hair loss is extremely important for world-wide peace. Please somebody invents those kinds of medicine.
강사 첨삭
Hello, Sue! Reading your answer really gives me more understanding of how good you are in writing. I hope those medicines will be found!-Faith-
Personally, what I want is the medicine for hair loss. >> CORRECT
Of course I have abundant hair, but sometimes, whenever my hairs are pulled out, it makes me nervous about my future.
>> Of course I have abundant hair, but sometimes, whenever my hair fall out, it makes me nervous about my future.
Hair loss is a great problem for everyone.
>> CORRECT
OR Hair loss is everyone\'s common problem.
Nobody can be free from aging and hair loss is one of the phenomenon of aging.
>> Nobody can be free from aging and hair loss is one of the phenomena of aging.
Furthermore hair loss brings out a huge image change.
>> Furthermore, hair loss brings out a huge image change.
It must be in the negative way.
>> CORRECT
I don\'t want to undergo that process.
>> CORRECT
And then, I wish the medicines for incurable diseases can be invented soon.
>> CORRECT
It is a great hardship for every patients who suffer from incurable diseases to endure day by day.
>> It is a great hardship for every patient who suffer from incurable diseases and endure pain every day.
If I could choose between inventing hair loss medicine and the medicines for incurable diseases, I would choose the medicines for incurable diseases without any hesitation.
>> CORRECT
OR However, if I were to choose between them, I will definitely go for the medicines for incurable diseases.
I hope the day when everyone can be truly free from all kinds of diseases will come soon.
>> CORRECT
OR I am looking forward to that day where everyone will be healed.
But still, the medicine for hair loss is extremely important for world-wide peace.
>> But still, the medicine for hair loss is extremely important for worldwide/one\'s peace.
Please somebody invents those kinds of medicine.
>> Can somebody invent those kinds of medicine please?
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