What will you do if you were homeless?

2021-02-03 · 첨삭 강사 Elise

학생이 쓴 원문

In fact, I don\'t want to understand the homeless people because I think they didn\'t put an effort into anything. Of course, It is related to his or her parent\'s wealth but I think if we put an effort, we can overcome this poverty. Many famous people like Michael Jackson overcame his poverty for himself. It is a proof that if we strive for something, we can achieve that. Therefore, If I am a homeless person, at first I will make a goal and I achieve it putting an effort everyday.

강사 첨삭

Hi [이름]! Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I\'m so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!

In fact, I don\'t want to understand the homeless people because I think they didn\'t put an effort into anything.
>>CORRECT

Of course, It is related to his or her parent\'s wealth but I think if we put an effort, we can overcome this
 poverty.
>> Of course, it is related to his or her parent\'s wealth but I think if we put an effort, we can overcome  poverty.        
   
Many famous people like Michael Jackson overcame his poverty for himself.
>> Many famous people overcome poverty by themselves just like Michael Jackson. 

It is a proof that if we strive for something, we can achieve that.
>>CORRECT

Therefore, If I am a homeless person, at first I will make a goal and I achieve it putting an effort everyday.
>> Therefore, if I am a homeless person, at first I will make a goal and I achieve it putting an effort everyday.

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