When I retire
학생이 쓴 원문
When I retire, I want to live in a huge house with my family and a dog.(I don\'t have it right now, but someday, I will have a pet dog.) There would be a fancy house for my dog at the backyard. And our family would live in a big house where have three floors.
I will also donate money to the poor children, so they can buy new clothes and new s[이름]ol supplies. Maybe they would be a good man and they will call me and say thank you too me. I would be so proud of myself.
Then, I will buy a stock and earn more money so I can donate and buy more stuff. Buying a stock might be dangerous but I will study hard about it and then,I will buy it. With that money, I will buy some presents to my parents and my sister.
And this is the things I will like to do when I retire. Maybe I will like to do some hobby and hang out with my friends! Because I don\'t have any idea about retirement, I feel it is a far far story to me.😅
강사 첨삭
Good evening, [이름]~
You are right! Retirement is still far from your age now, but it\'s nice to imagine, right?
Thank you for this.
See you on Thursday!
- T. Rina
1. When I retire, I want to live in a huge house with my family and a dog.
>> CORRECT!
2. I don\'t have it right now, but someday, I will have a pet dog.
>> CORRECT!
3. There would be a fancy house for my dog at the backyard.
>> CORRECT!
4. And our family would live in a big house where have three floors.
>> And our family would live in a big house that has three floors.
5. I will also donate money to the poor children, so they can buy new clothes and new s[이름]ol supplies.
>> CORRECT!
6. Maybe they would be a good man and they will call me and say thank you too me.
>> Maybe someday, they would be good people and they would call and thank me.
7. I would be so proud of myself.
>> CORRECT!
8. Then, I will buy a stock and earn more money so I can donate and buy more stuff.
>> CORRECT!
9. Buying a stock might be dangerous but I will study hard about it and then,I will buy it.
>> CORRECT!
10. With that money, I will buy some presents to my parents and my sister.
>> With that money, I will buy some presents for my parents and sister.
11. And this is the things I will like to do when I retire.
>> And these are the things I will like to do when I retire.
12. Maybe I will like to do some hobby and hang out with my friends!
>> Maybe I will like to do some hobbies and hang out with my friends!
13. Because I don\'t have any idea about retirement, I feel it is a far far story to me.
>> Because I don\'t have any idea about retirement, I feel like it is a far story to me.
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