When I retire from my job
학생이 쓴 원문
First of all, I don\'t want to live in a retirement home. There are several reasons for it. Actually, I think diversity is very important to maintain our lifestyle. It means even if I have everything such as money, if there is no diversity in my life, it wouldn\'t be happy. Of course, it could be comfortable to live in the retirement home because residents are the same with me like people who retired. But in my opinion, living with younger and older people in vibrant city or country is more healthy and fun in many ways.
강사 첨삭
1. First of all, I don\'t want to live in a retirement home.
>>CORRECT
OR>>First of all, I don\'t want to stay in a retirement home.
2. There are several reasons for it.
>>CORRECT
OR>>There are some reasons for it.
3. Actually, I think diversity is very important to maintain our lifestyle.
>>CORRECT
OR>>Honestly, I think diversity is very important to maintain our lifestyle.
4. It means even if I have everything such as money, if there is no diversity in my life, it wouldn\'t be happy.
>>It means even if I have everything such as money, if there is no diversity in my life, I wouldn\'t be happy.
5. Of course, it could be comfortable to live in the retirement home because residents are the same with me like people who retired.
>>Of course, it could be comfortable to live in the retirement home because residents are retired as me.
6. But in my opinion, living with younger and older people in vibrant city or country is more healthy and fun in many ways.
>>But in my opinion, living with younger and older people in a vibrant city or country is healthier and more fun in many ways.
Good point.
- T. Melody ^^
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