Where do you want to travel next? Why?

2021-06-21 · 첨삭 강사 Faith

학생이 쓴 원문

I have two places to travel next. The first place is sea (Any sea is okay). I hope to feel cool wind and water. Because I really don’t like hot weather, I barely go outside in summer. However, I’m sure that I can feel the cool atmosphere when I arrive at a sea. For this reason, I go to sea once or twice times in a year, however, I can’t visit sea this year because of covid-19. So, I decided to go there for my next travel and I hope to feel a sea. The second place is a Jeju island. I already went there, but I go to Jeju again. When I went to the island two years ago, I was inconvenience without a car. However, I can rent a car in this year, I can enjoy happy time at the island with my acquaintances. I’ve also met nice people at there, I expect I can encounter people who make good memories with me. Jeju island is a meaningful place to me, so I hope to go there again.

강사 첨삭

Hello, [이름]! I had a wonderful time talking with you earlier. You seem to be a motivated person. Keep up the good work!-Faith-
I have two places to travel next. 
>>  CORRECT
OR  I have two travel destinations on my next trip. 
The first place is sea (Any sea is okay). 
>> The first place is on a beach. 
I hope to feel cool wind and water. 
>> I hope to feel the cool wind and water. 
Because I really don’t like hot weather, I barely go outside in summer. 
>> Because I really don’t like hot weather, that\'s why I barely go outside in summer. 
However, I’m sure that I can feel the cool atmosphere when I arrive at a sea. 
>>CORRECT
For this reason, I go to sea once or twice times in a year, however, I can’t visit sea this year because of covid-19. 
>> For this reason, I go to a beach once or twice a year, however, I can’t do it this year because of covid-19. 
So, I decided to go there for my next travel and I hope to feel a sea.
>> So, I decided to go there for my next travel and I hope to feel its sea breeze.
The second place is a Jeju island. 
>> The second place is  Jeju Island. 
I already went there, but I go to Jeju again. 
>> I already went there, but I will go there again. 
When I went to the island two years ago, I was inconvenience without a car. 
>> When I went to the island two years ago, I felt the inconvenience without a car. 
However, I can rent a car in this year, I can enjoy happy time at the island with my acquaintances. 
>> However, I can rent a car this year, I can enjoy my time on the island with my acquaintances. 
I’ve also met nice people at there, I expect I can encounter people who make good memories with me. 
>> I also met nice people there, so I expect I can encounter people who can make good memories with me. 
Jeju island is a meaningful place to me, so I hope to go there again.
>> CORRECT
OR Jeju island means a lot to me so I look forward to returning there.

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