where I want to travel

2015-06-02 · 첨삭 강사 Klein

학생이 쓴 원문

Although I went though the reason, unplug the island to where you want to travel properly, will not suffer, because the place did not look properly often. Jeju is also because I've also gone to many new and strange one before. The reason for this is due to the rich natural environment. Jeju Island is Korea's largest volcanic island in the southwest side to animal husbandry, agriculture, forestry, fisheries, and tourism development was well known divers and right. Jeju Island is 73km from east to west and 31km from north to south is oval area is approximately 1833km2. Another island that has a lot of variety, including different views on the surrounding natural environment and a tough season by lava cave, horse, ranch, climbing, waterfall, goblins road, Dolharbang, stone walls, volcanic clusters. The island has been designated as a World Natural Heritage Site which geomun uphill, Lava, Halla, Seongsan day dispatch has been designated as a World Natural Heritage Site. There are also other Yongmeori coast, Cheonjiyeon Falls, Jusangjeolli, Ole length. Geomun first uphill is different and requires a permit and reservation from other places, under the control of only the Faroe only commentator can climb. The reason for this is to prevent the damage. Often undermine people rise, and because being messy. Nature would have been so well preserved that may be geomun uphill now. Followed by a lava cave. After the formation of volcanic lava lava cave will come this way flows towards the coast outside the outside firm is not an empty space in its lava flows. Which is the longest cave Manjang Cave. Manjang Cave is the world's longest cave is about 9km long and the temperature is a constant 12 degrees. I do not want to come out in the summer enters extent that these are considered. In addition to that inside Manjang Cave stalactites, insects, bats and many other attractions. Seongsan Sunrise Peak is a bowl-shaped inde Sunrise Sunrise Peak is famous and trees, sea view, you can see the likelihood and can be traced along the promenade. But I can not go except for trails. Then perhaps for nature conservation. Jusangjeolli the lava will cool off slowly while that are flowing down to the ground where he animated regular crack occurred. Its appearance occurred yet oddly mysterious. Sometimes there is also a pentagonal shape with a hexagonal weave. They are not going much doubt even though Sancho humans emerged. It is eagerly falls squarely in the sights of the island. Square Falls is a waterfall square its name to its appearance as it is the only waterfall falling into the sea directly from the country as if making silk in the sky. I like a waterfall that's why it falls to fall over my heart it becomes heart ttulrin gettin difference with cool feeling. Finally inde will introduce the island say my weekend began rearing horses in Mongolia to ever dominate the Goryeo Dynasty Mongolia should consider its appearance was first pony. It means, there are many advantages such as the advantage of being able to go long distances, unlike other words. The impetus created by the empire of the Mongols is not an exaggeration to say that. I like the words from one of my wishes had won a large meadow to run without learning how to ride a horse as soon as a child. Thank you for giving a presentation later.

강사 첨삭

Good morning!^^ Thank you for entrusting this to me. You did a great job here. I was really surprised to see this long composition. What a great practice! Did you enjoy writing it? I just hope I understood everything perfectly. If not, please enlighten me when we get the chance to talk about this. Please consider the corrections below. If they are not suitable for the occasion, you may rephrase them. May you continue to have a great time! Thanks for sharing this. I learned a lot!^^ Take care! Although I went though the reason, unplug the island to where you want to travel properly, will not suffer, because the place did not look properly often. Jeju is also because I\'ve also gone to many new and strange one before. >>Although I went through the reason to unplug the island, where you want to travel properly, and where you won\'t suffer because the place did not look proper often, Jeju is also my choice because I\'ve gone to many new and strange ones before.The reason for this is due to the rich natural environment. >>The reason for this is the rich natural environment. >>This is due to the rich natural environment. Jeju Island is Korea\'s largest volcanic island in the southwest side to animal husbandry, agriculture, forestry, fisheries, and tourism development was well known divers and right. >>Jeju Island is Korea\'s largest volcanic island in the southwest side. It is know for its good animal husbandry, agriculture, forestry, fisheries, and tourism development. It is also well known to divers.  Jeju Island is 73km from east to west and 31km from north to south is oval area is approximately 1833km2. >>Jeju Island is 73 km. from east to west, 31km. from north to south, and its circumference is approximately 1833km2. Another island that has a lot of variety, including different views on the surrounding natural environment and a tough season by lava cave, horse, ranch, climbing, waterfall, goblins road, Dolharbang, stone walls, volcanic clusters. >>It is another island that has a lot of varieties, including different views on the surrounding natural environment and tough seasonal views by the lava cave, horse ranch, climbing area, waterfall, goblins road, Dolharbang, stone walls, and volcanic clusters. The island has been designated as a World Natural Heritage Site which geomun uphill, Lava, Halla, Seongsan day dispatch has been designated as a World Natural Heritage Site. >>The island has been designated as a World Natural Heritage Site along with Geomun Uphilll, Lava, Halla, and Seongsan Day Dispatch. There are also other Yongmeori coast, Cheonjiyeon Falls, Jusangjeolli, Ole length. >>There are also other sites like Yongmeori Coast, Cheonjiyeon Falls, Jusangjeolli, and Ole Length.Geomun first uphill is different and requires a permit and reservation from other places, under the control of only the Faroe only commentator can climb. >>Geomun first uphill is different and requires a permit and reservation among other places for it is under the control of the only Faroe, which only the commentator can climb. The reason for this is to prevent the damage. >>Correct OR >> The reason for this is to prevent if from getting damaged. Often undermine people rise, and because being messy. >>Often undermine people climb and leave a mess. Nature would have been so well preserved that may be geomun uphill now. >>Correct Followed by a lava cave. >>Correct OR >> It is followed by a lava cave. After the formation of volcanic lava lava cave will come this way flows towards the coast outside the outside firm is not an empty space in its lava flows. Which is the longest cave Manjang Cave. >>After the formation of volcanic lava cave, the lava will come this way as it flows towards the coast outside the firm, which is not an empty space for it is where the lava flows and is the longest cave called the Manjang Cave. Manjang Cave is the world\'s longest cave is about 9km long and the temperature is a constant 12 degrees. >>Manjang Cave is the world\'s longest cave, which is about 9km long and the temperature is a constant 12 degrees Celsius. I do not want to come out in the summer enters extent that these are considered. >>I do not want to come out in the summer for it enters the extent where these are considered. In addition to that inside Manjang Cave stalactites, insects, bats and many other attractions. >>In addition to that, inside the Manjang Cave are stalactites, insects, bats and many other attractions.Seongsan Sunrise Peak is a bowl-shaped inde Sunrise Sunrise Peak is famous and trees, sea view, you can see the likelihood and can be traced along the promenade. But I can not go except for trails. >>Seongsan Sunrise Peak is bowl-shaped and is famous for its trees and sea view. You can see the likelihood and can be traced along the promenade. But I can not go there without the trails. Then perhaps for nature conservation. >> CorrectJusangjeolli the lava will cool off slowly while that are flowing down to the ground where he animated regular crack occurred. Its appearance occurred yet oddly mysterious. >>In Jusangjeolli, the lava will cool off slowly while flowing down to the ground where the animated regular crack occurred. Its appearance occurred yet oddly mysterious. Sometimes there is also a pentagonal shape with a hexagonal weave. >>Correct They are not going much doubt even though Sancho humans emerged. >>They do not doubt much even though Sancho humans emerged.It is eagerly falls squarely in the sights of the island. >>It eagerly falls squarely at the sights of the island. Square Falls is a waterfall square its name to its appearance as it is the only waterfall falling into the sea directly from the country as if making silk in the sky. I like a waterfall that\'s why it falls to fall over my heart it becomes heart ttulrin gettin difference with cool feeling. >>Square Falls is a square waterfall where it got its name to its appearance as it is the only waterfall falling into the sea directly from the country as if making silk in the sky. I like waterfalls that\'s why it fills my heart and it becomes heart fluttering, getting a difference with a cool feeling.Finally inde will introduce the island say my weekend began rearing horses in Mongolia to ever dominate the Goryeo Dynasty Mongolia should consider its appearance was first pony. >>Finally \"Inde\" will introduce the island. Say, \"My weekend began rearing horses in Mongolia to ever dominate the Goryeo Dynasty Mongolia and should consider its appearance was a first pony.\" It means, there are many advantages such as the advantage of being able to go long distances, unlike other words. The impetus created by the empire of the Mongols is not an exaggeration to say that. >>Correct I like the words from one of my wishes had won a large meadow to run without learning how to ride a horse as soon as a child. >>I like the words from one of my wishes where I had won a large meadow to run without learning how to ride a horse as soon as a child. Thank you for giving a presentation later. >>Thank you in advance for your presentation later.

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