Where would you like to go for an adventure?
학생이 쓴 원문
Where would you like to go for an adventure : a jungle, a desert, or a small island? Why?
I want to go to a small island for an adventure.
I like water. But, I don\'t like hot weather. And I hate insects, bugs, mosquitoes, etc.
That\'s why I want to go to a small island with a sea that is favorite and cool.
To be more precise, I want to explore the deep sea.
I was usually interested in the deep sea.
I want to watch marine life while scuba diving there.
I also want to self-sufficient.
Because Korea has improved a lot, but there is still a perception that \"You can\'t do because you\'re a woman.\"
I don\'t agree with this perception and think it is unfair. Also, I think it\'s an outdated perception.
I want to break that perception. Then I think I will become more independent and high self-esteem person.
So I want to challenge myself a lot.
강사 첨삭
Hi, [이름]! Your aim to break the stigma about the perception that women shouldn\'t be able to do things just because they are women is commendable. I highly agree and salute you for that. You are indeed a strong, powerful, and independent woman, [이름]. ^^ On the other hand, visiting a small island would certainly suit you, since you love exploring the deep sea. I hope you\'ll be able to do it soon! Thank you for completing your homework. See you in our class.
~T. Jade^^Where would you like to go for an adventure : a jungle, a desert, or a small island? Why?
I want to go to a small island for an adventure.
>> Correct
I like water.
I like water.
>> Correct
But I don\'t like hot weather.
>> Correct
And I hate insects, bugs, mosquitoes, etc.
>> Correct
>> OR: I like water, but I don\'t like hot weather, and I hate insects, bugs, mosquitoes, etc.
That\'s why I want to go to a small island with a sea that is favorite and cool.
That\'s why I want to go to a small island with a sea that is favorite and cool.
>> That\'s why I want to go to a small island with a sea because that\'s my favorite scenery and I think it\'s cool.
>> OR: That\'s why I want to go to a small island with a sea, as it\'s my favorite scenery and I find it cool.
To be more precise, I want to explore the deep sea.
>> OR: That\'s why I want to go to a small island with a sea, as it\'s my favorite scenery and I find it cool.
To be more precise, I want to explore the deep sea.
>> Correct
I was usually interested in the deep sea.
I was usually interested in the deep sea.
>> Correct
I want to watch marine life while scuba diving there.
I want to watch marine life while scuba diving there.
>> Correct
I also want to self-sufficient.
I also want to self-sufficient.
>> I also want to be self-sufficient.
Because Korea has improved a lot, but there is still a perception that \"You can\'t do because you\'re a woman.\"
Because Korea has improved a lot, but there is still a perception that \"You can\'t do because you\'re a woman.\"
>> Korea has improved a lot, but there is still a perception that \"You can\'t do that because you\'re a woman.\"
I don\'t agree with this perception and think it is unfair.
I don\'t agree with this perception and think it is unfair.
>> Correct
Also, I think it\'s an outdated perception.
>> Correct
I want to break that perception.
I want to break that perception.
>> Correct
>> OR: I want to change that perception.
>> OR: I want to change that perception.
Then I think I will become more independent and high self-esteem person.
>> Then I think I will become a more independent person with high self-esteem.
So I want to challenge myself a lot.
So I want to challenge myself a lot.
>> Correct
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