Why did you apply in this company?

2020-03-05 · 첨삭 강사 Jasper

학생이 쓴 원문

I believe that the medical device industry is very promising in Korea with various opportunities and sustainable growth. Specially, as people know, this aesthetic field is growing, we can create market according to the increasing old aged population of the elderly people, People’s perception changes about the health promotion and is becoming more interested with their appearances. In my research, Galderma Korea will have a high growth rate according to the market growth of aesthetic field, so I thought that my challenge and growth can go along with these growing. I am confident that my scientific, academic base and sales, marketing experiences built me a strong foundation of skills, which I can apply to the demands of this position.

강사 첨삭

Hi Ann. Here are the corrections. See you later.

I believe that the medical device industry is very promising in Korea with various opportunities and sustainable growth. Specially, as people know, this aesthetic field is growing, we can create market according to the increasing old aged population of the elderly people, People’s perception changes about the health promotion and is becoming more interested with their appearances.
In my research, Galderma Korea will have a high growth rate according to the market growth of aesthetic field, so I thought that my challenge and growth can go along with these growing. I am confident that my scientific, academic base and sales, marketing experiences built me a strong foundation of skills, which I can apply to the demands of this position.

I believe that the medical device industry in Korea is very promising, with various opportunities and sustainable growth. Also, the aesthetic field is continually growing. We can create a market due to the increasing population of elderly people. People\'s perception of health promotion is changing, and they are becoming more interested in their appearances. In my research, Galderma Korea will have a high growth rate according to the market growth of the aesthetic field. so I thought that my challenge and growth can go along with these growing (I\'m not sure what you meant here). I believe that the strong foundation I have with my scientific, academic base and sales, and marketing experiences would help me with the demands of this position.

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