Why might people turn to shamans for comfort or advice in modern life?
학생이 쓴 원문
There are increasing number of people to find comfort by speaking to shamans. According to latest statistics there are over 100,000 authorized shamans in South Korea. In my opinion, many people look for shamans because they can find more clarity in ambiguous and competitive society. Due to rapidly developing society, it is difficult for people to predict future and learn from history. Alongside this, there is competition from increased inequality. Accordingly, people turn into shamans to seek direction on their future path. For example, my mom relied on shamans the most when my brother was preparing for his university admission. She told me that previously the university entrance was highly based on academic performance. However now it is most of luck because the university entrance became competitive and it became unclear what universities are looking for. Therefore, she turned into shamans to ask which university that my brother should apply for.
강사 첨삭
Thank you for this, Aciel! Have a great evening.
There are increasing number of people to find comfort by speaking to shamans.
>>> There is an increasing number of people who find/seek comfort by speaking to shamans.
According to latest statistics there are over 100,000 authorized shamans in South Korea.
>>> According to the latest statistics, there are over 100,000 authorized shamans in South Korea.
In my opinion, many people look for shamans because they can find more clarity in ambiguous and competitive society.
>>> In my opinion, many people turn to shamans because they can find more clarity in an ambiguous and competitive society.
Due to rapidly developing society, it is difficult for people to predict future and learn from history.
>>> Due to the rapid development of society, it is difficult for people to predict the future or learn from history.
Alongside this, there is competition from increased inequality.
>>> OR: Alongside this, there is competition caused by increased inequality.
Accordingly, people turn into shamans to seek direction on their future path.
>>> Accordingly, people turn to shamans to seek direction on their future path.
>>> OR: Accordingly, people consult shamans to seek guidance about their future paths.
For example, my mom relied on shamans the most when my brother was preparing for his university admission.
>>> correct
She told me that previously the university entrance was highly based on academic performance.
>>> correct
However now it is most of luck because the university entrance became competitive and it became unclear what universities are looking for.
>>> OR: However, now it depends largely on luck, because university admissions have become very competitive and it is unclear what universities are looking for.
Therefore, she turned into shamans to ask which university that my brother should apply for.
>>> Therefore, she turned to shamans to ask which universities my brother should apply to.
파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.