: Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and le

2020-05-11 · 첨삭 강사 Gemma

학생이 쓴 원문

These days, women want to take household equally with their husband including children care. I think it\'s because most women work due to financial problem, improvement of women\'s right and so on. I agree that women are better at childcare than men but men also can take care of their children well with different way as women. Men usually good at physical play so, they can spend time by doing various activities. I believe that it is essential part to raise children. Mental part and art part are also important for childcare. Mom can help them improve mentally. However, men consider that they are superior than women in most situation, even though the social status of women has steadily improved. We were born with a different gender and each gender has strength in specific area. So, if I have enough money, I want my wife to do household and care my children because she is better than me in childcare.

강사 첨삭

Hi Mr. [이름] ~! Thank you so much for doing your best in completing your essay~! Keep up with your commendable ideas~! ^^ See you!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
These days, women want to take household equally with their husband including childcare.
>>> CORRECT
 I think it\'s because most women work due to financial problem, improvement of women\'s right and so on.
>>>  I think it\'s because most women work due to financial problems, to improve women\'s rights and so on.
 I agree that women are better at childcare than men but men also can take care of their children well with different way as women.
>>> CORRECT
 Men usually good at physical play so, they can spend time by doing various activities.
>>>  Men are usually good at physical play so, they can spend time by doing various activities.
 I believe that it is essential part to raise children. 
>>>  I believe that it is essential to raise children. 
Mental part and art part are also important for childcare. 
>>> Mentally and creativity are also important for childcare. 
Mom can help them improve mentally. 
>>> CORRECT
However, men consider that they are superior than women in most situation, even though the social status of women has steadily improved.
>>> CORRECT
 We were born with a different gender and each gender has strength in specific area. 
>>> CORRECT
So, if I have enough money, I want my wife to do household and care my children because she is better than me in childcare.
>>> So, if I have enough money, I want my wife to do the household and take care of my children because she is better than me in childcare.

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