Women do not have to get plastic surgery to make themselves have a better self-image.
학생이 쓴 원문
Women do not have to get plastic surgery to make themselves have a better self-image. First of all, every woman has her own beauty. If plastic surgery becomes mandatory, all of the women will have the same appearance and lose their personality. Is the standard of beauty is important than one\'s individuality? Of course not. Secondly, getting plastic surgery always has a possibility of side effects. Taking a risk of the surgery is up to one\'s choice. If the risk is forced, it is 100% irresponsible. Lastly, there are many ways to have a better self-image even if it is not plastic surgery. For example, exercising is helpful for making perfect body shape. There is even a saying that exercise is the best plastic surgery. Moreover, women can focus on their inner beauty, not their appearance. They can manage themselves by reading books. If they do, then their self-image will be better in other respects. Therefore, plastic surgery is not necessary for having a better self-image.
강사 첨삭
Nicely done Jenny! ^ ^ Well composed and well organized thoughts! ^ ^
I definitely agree with you. Inner beauty weighs more than outer beauty. And like you said, there are risks and unwanted consequences that go with it. But on the other hand, it gives you greater self-confidence and add to your sense of well-being. Just saying. ^ ^ As long as it doesn\'t become an addiction. And, it\'s still best to be yourself and having that confidence. After all, everything is not all about physical. ^ ^
-Teacher Jedah
>>CORRECT
First of all, every woman has her own beauty.
>>CORRECT
If plastic surgery becomes mandatory, all of the women will have the same appearance and lose their personality.
>>CORRECT
Is the standard of beauty is important than one\'s individuality? Of course not.
>>Is the standard of beauty more important than one\'s individuality?
Secondly, getting plastic surgery always has a possibility of side effects.
>>CORRECT
Taking a risk of the surgery is up to one\'s choice.
>>CORRECT
If the risk is forced, it is 100% irresponsible.
>>CORRECT
Lastly, there are many ways to have a better self-image even if it is not plastic surgery.
>>Lastly, there are many ways to have a better self-image other than plastic surgery.
For example, exercising is helpful for making perfect body shape.
>>For example, exercising is helpful to achieve a better body/perfect figure.
There is even a saying that exercise is the best plastic surgery.
>>CORRECT
Moreover, women can focus on their inner beauty, not their appearance.
>>CORRECT
They can manage themselves by reading books.
>>They can also improve themselves more by reading books.
If they do, then their self-image will be better in other respects.
>>CORRECT
Therefore, plastic surgery is not necessary for having a better self-image.
>>CORRECT
파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.