Would you like to open your own business? Why or why not?
학생이 쓴 원문
I don\'t like to open my own business not yet, becuase there is a big risk about bankrupting me. But it dosen\'t mean I\'m not goning to open own my business. When I will retire my job, I\'d like to open my own business, just small size. If I were afford to buy closed school, I\'d like to buy it and decorate for what I like. For example, you can learn here about making a simple robot and cording for it. Also, you can make a robot body here by using some tools. In the future, a robot and computer skill will help them to earn more money.
강사 첨삭
1. I don\'t like to open my own business not yet, becuase there is a big risk about bankrupting me.
>>I don\'t like to open my own business yet because, there is a big risk about me being bankrupt.
2. But it dosen\'t mean I\'m not goning to open own my business.
>>But it does\'t mean I\'m not going to open my own business.
3. When I will retire my job, I\'d like to open my own business, just small size.
>>When I will retire from my job, I\'d like to open my own small business.
4. If I were afford to buy closed school, I\'d like to buy it and decorate for what I like.
>>If I could afford to buy a closed school, I\'d like to buy it and decorate it the way I like.
5. For example, you can learn here about making a simple robot and cording for it.
>>CORRECT
OR>>For instance, you can learn here about making a simple robot and cording for it.
6. Also, you can make a robot body here by using some tools.
>>CORRECT
OR>>You can also make a body of a robot here by using some tools.
7. In the future, a robot and computer skill will help them to earn more money.
>>In the future, robot and computer skill will help people earn more money.
Very good essay.
- T. Melody ^^
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