Write about a time when you experienced success

2017-12-14 · 첨삭 강사 Rose

학생이 쓴 원문

When I was in university at last grade, online game competition was held by a student council. I wanted to make a memory before I graduated it. Hence, I gathered members since it was a group playing game. We practiced a lot and won the competition among the 24 teams from different major. Thus, I got money and expensive keyboard as a prize. When I worked in Malaysia, some of strangers have cut cables without any reasons. Few of my coworkers reigned because they thought it couldn’t be fixed without technician due to the fact that we had an incomplete agreement with the sub-contractor that they charged on these. I didn’t have any choices to match schedule. Hence, I just followed the other panels and made my own drawing regarding the panels. However, I was failed to operate it well although I followed normal status panel. I spent a lot of times to do that. Finally, I succeed operating it with minor problems, fortunately, it did not affect to run it.

강사 첨삭

Thank you for doing your homework, Jason^^

It is just a proof that we should never stop trying something that we are determined to accomplish.

Have a great Thursday!

When I was in university at last grade, online game competition was held by a student council.

>>When I was a senior at university, an online game competition was held by a student council.

I wanted to make a memory before I graduated it.

>> I wanted to make a memory before I graduated.
Hence, I gathered members since it was a group playing game.

>> Hence, I gathered members since it was a group playing games.
We practiced a lot and won the competition among the 24 teams from different major.

>>We practiced a lot and won the competition among the 24 teams from different majors.

Thus, I got money and expensive keyboard as a prize.
>>Thus, I got money and an expensive keyboard as a prize.
When I worked in Malaysia, some of strangers have cut cables without any reasons.

>>When I worked in Malaysia, some strangers have cut cables without any reasons.
Few of my coworkers reigned because they thought it couldn’t be fixed without technician due to the fact that we had an incomplete agreement with the sub-contractor that they charged on these.

>>Few of my coworkers resigned because they thought it couldn’t be fixed without a technician due to the fact that we had an incomplete agreement with the sub-contractor that they charged on these.

I didn’t have any choices to match schedule.

>>I didn’t have any choices to match the schedule.

Hence, I just followed the other panels and made my own drawing regarding the panels.

>>CORRECT!

However, I was failed to operate it well although I followed normal status panel.

>>However, I failed to operate it well although I followed a normal status panel.

I spent a lot of times to do that.

>> I spent a lot of time doing that.

Finally, I succeed operating it with minor problems, fortunately, it did not affect to run it.

>> Finally, I succeeded in operating it with minor problems which fortunately did not affect its operation.

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