Write an essay about shopping.

2019-09-02 · 첨삭 강사 Debbie

학생이 쓴 원문

I prefer shopping on-line than off-line. There are many advantage shopping on-line. First, on-line shopping is cheaper than off-line. It because of customer choose items by themselves without staff and pay the checks automatically. Thus, maintain a on-line shopping mall cost less than maintain a off-line store. For this reason the owner can lower the price from hire less staffs. Second, it takes less time. You don\'t need to walk around the mall and you can shop many on-line shopping mall at a time. Thus, it saves time. The only disadvantage that I think is you can try clothes on before you buy it. Thus on-line shopping cause more refunds than off-line shopping.

강사 첨삭

Thank you for this essay. Kindly check the remarks below~

- Teacher Debbie

I prefer shopping on-line than off-line.
>> correct
There are many advantage shopping on-line.
>> There are many advantages when you shop on-line.
First, on-line shopping is cheaper than off-line.
>> correct
It because of customer choose items by themselves without staff and pay the checks automatically. 
>> It is because the customers choose the items by themselves without staff and pay the checks automatically. 
Thus, maintain a on-line shopping mall cost less than maintain a off-line store.
>> Thus, maintaining an on-line shopping mall costs lesser than an off-line store.
For this reason the owner can lower the price from hire less staffs.
>> For this reason, the owner can lower the price from hiring lesser staffs.
Second, it takes less time.
>> Second, it takes lesser time.
You don\'t need to walk around the mall and you can shop many on-line shopping mall at a time.
>> correct
Thus, it saves time.
>> correct
The only disadvantage that I think is you can try clothes on before you buy it.
>> The only disadvantage that I think is that you can\'t try the clothes on before you buy it.
Thus on-line shopping cause more refunds than off-line shopping.
>> Thus on-line shopping causes more refunds than off-line shopping.

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